Europe needs to man up! (Stephen Gillespie)

You may thin that is an odd title, but it is very true. Europe needs to man up! Now this is an odd statement but it is founded in pure liquid fact and of course it is to do with video games. So what does Europe need to man up about, well the main reason is Ratchet and Clank. I consider myself to be a Ratchet and Clank fan, I’ve played the two PS3 games and really enjoyed them and I was considering looking into playing the previous PS2 ones. That was until I realised that I didn’t want the European versions. Ratchet and Clank are famous for their innuendo game titles that cause people like me to giggle with childish glee. These games are really funny games and the titles really capture the silly essence of Ratchet and Clank. In many places the second Ratchet and Clank is called Ratchet and Clank- Going Commando. That is a funny name, in Europe however it is simply called Ratchet and Clank 2. Why? Why change the name, we British invented humour and we are part of Europe why can’t we have humorous game titles? Our comedy is full of innuendo and double entendre yet we can’t have a video game with a slightly smutty title, again why? The sad thing is it gets worse, the third Ratchet and Clank game has one of the best titles in video game history. Ratchet and Clank- Up Your Arsenal. That title is so great it got it’s own dedicated sentence space! But what is this game called in Europe? Why Ratchet and Clank 3 of course. That really sucks, Up Your Arsenal is just too great for us apparently.

However I have good news, Europe has manned up as far as Ratchet goes, we have taken to using the American titles, only problem is the titles aren’t as good. Tools of Destruction, that’s not even a double entendre (if it is, I don’t get it) and Quest for Booty- is that the best you can do? We get the not funny and not so funny names but we don’t get the super cool ones. The fault here is of course with insomniac who should name their PS3 games better. Imaginative game titling hasn’t been their strong suit on the PS3 thus far. Resistance: Fall of Man being the closest they’ve got and that just sounds a bit cheesy, it’s a better title than the imaginatively named Resistance 2 however. Really, just Resistance 2, even the first one had a subheading, how long did it take to think of that one insomniac (the irony here is Resistance 2 is a much better game). The third resistance game was accidentally announced recently. Some clever so and so saw a massive bill board sporting its name. The billboard was on a film set and was apparently part of some clever marketing campaign, which was that when people saw said film they would see the Resistance 3 poster and thus the announcement was made. That is a really awesome idea, but then they made the mistake of putting it next to a road! So what was the game called, yeah-just Resistance 3. Instead of giving the games subtitles they just put landmarks in the A of Resistance, which represent where the game was set. Resistance: Fall of Man had Big Ben in the A; signifying it took place in the UK (so the UK and Europe fall to the ‘aliens’ first, oh man up Europe!). Resistance 2 had Golden Gate Bridge (you can figure that one out yourself) and Resistance 3 has…. The statue of liberty. New York? You’re going to do America twice in a row; I wanted the Sydney Opera house.

So to summarise, insomniac needs to get better names and Europe needs to man up. Luckily they are getting back on form, the new Ratchet game is going to be called ‘A Crack in Time’- pretty funny! Plus Europe get that title- however it is no way near as good as the title they decided was too suggestive, Clock Blockers.